Have you seen this man? He sometimes goes by the name(s) Juan Lopez, Carl Sugarloaf, Chekov Bernsteinosky, and Michael Bay. Known accomplices include the Stay Puft man, Bill Murray, Carl Weathers. He was last seen stuffing peyote inside his hooded sweatshirt, running out of the local YMCA. He should be considered armed but likely not dangerous. The foaming at the mouth is normal; he suffers from a rare condition too difficult to pronounce and/or type here. Be on the lookout!